A Look Back
As I look back at the past year, I can't help but be amazed by the providence of God.
The year of 2009 literally started off with a bang. Not only did we have a great party with our college friends (who were seeing our new home for the first time), but my Mom got in an accident a few blocks from my house that totaled her car. Fortunately, she was fine and we gave her some dinner before saying goodbye to our friends and driving her home. It was the other driver's fault so she was able to collect quite a bit from insurance to help get a new car. Which she was kind of looking at getting at anyway. Not a recommended way to go about getting a new one, for sure, but I'm always amazed to see painful moments blossom into needed changes.
The end of January brought the painful, messy end of my job. Despite the well-intentioned and wise advice of many, I chose to bow out as gracefully as possible in order to best ensure a firm future for Ben at the company and I think it has proved to work in our favor. The company seems to have forgotten all conceived ill-will towards me which I'm sure they would not have done if I had forced them to fire me and fought for unemployment. Sure, I'd have the unemployment, but Ben likely would've been fired shortly after that.
I was almost immediately approached with the offer to help edit a book for a friend. The work more than helped keep our finances afloat. It helped me stay only within the boundaries of anxiety and depression. A busy mind doesn't easily fall deep into despair. When the book was published and that slowed, Kohl's suddenly had an opening and practically hired me on the spot thanks to the fact that I had already been trained by another Kohl's on register. Once again, the busyness of the job kept my spirits up and helped me focus on the Lord, who I knew had a future in mind for both Benjamin and I. Throughout it all, we both strove to keep our eyes on our Lord and Savior. Not only that He had a future for us in mind, but that He suffered to carry our burdens and that on occasion, He calls us to suffer too. And on occasion He calls us to bear others up with their burdens. We have strove to continue to give both in offering to our church and to friends in ministry, but also in love to our friends and family despite our personal needs. It has been tough, but we have found joy in it all.
And now, almost a year after I lost my job (and mere months from depleting our bank account and needing to move in with family or friends), I have found a job much more to my liking. My absolute favorite thing about it is that I am working for a non-profit and for a cause I truly believe in. I have always wanted to work for a non-profit despite my mother's fears that if I did so I would just be scraping by. We have just scraped by (and if it weren't for the excellent pay and bonus that Ben and I both were receiving between just before we got married and last January, we never would've had enough in savings to make it this far) and I have full confidence that we will do just fine.
In fact, I'm sure that no matter how much money we have we will never go back to cable TV (Netflix is wonderful) or local phone (also loving Skype VOIP). I've been enjoying learning to make meals from scratch rather than buying frozen (Campbell's One Dish Meals and Fix It and Forget are my two favorite cook books, and homemade is way more nutritious and filling). If it weren't for this one hard year, we never would have sought to learn the budgeting tricks that we will carry through with us to further prosper no matter what our situation. So that we can continue to help and give to others in the way that we love so much to do. So that we can sooner than later, start a family in a nice home of our own. So that we can continue to strive towards the dream of our own business(s). (Ben a computer repair shop, myself a counselling or refuge center. Or craft shop.) So that we can contribute to important ministries that are close to both our hearts and (more importantly) God's heart.
It is a struggle, both in bad times and (more so, I think) in good times but we have made it our goal to continually strive to "seek first the kingdom of God" (Matthew 6:33) and to "fight the good fight of faith" (I Timothy 6:12). It is also our prayer that each of you may do so as well both in the year to come (can you believe it's been a decade since Y2k?) and the years ahead, where our futures seem so vague and dim but Our Lord stands firm and faithful in His eternal lovingkindness.
Current Mood: 
jubilantCurrent Music: The New Year- Death Cab for Cutie 
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